Just a quick analysis of some liquor label characters. First off, we have Captain Morgan:
He’s suave, he’s fun, he’s the life of the goddamn party. Everyone wants to chill with Morgan. Plus, he has a fucking gun. Who doesn’t love firearms with their alcohol?
Next we have Blackheart:
She’s dangerous, she’s sexy, she gets what she wants. She’s basically the female Captain Morgan.
Then, there’s the Kraken:
He’s merely misunderstood. He just wants a hug. A big fucking hug.
Now for Captain Apple Jack:
Yeah, he looks like a total douchebag, but he also has a gun. Unlike Morgan, he’s actually brandishing it as well as his sword. Upon closer inspection however, that is an odd looking pistol, it’s probably a replica.
Finally, we look at Admiral Nelson:
I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t trust him around my kids. If I had any. I wouldn’t even trust him around your kids, and I don’t even like your kids. He looks like a pedophile, and possibly semi-retarded to boot.